The one about the girl

Time is the mystery of our lifetime. Isn’t it? It’s just there. No one is entirely sure what it is, if it actually exists, but we all live a life that is dependent on it. Funny to think of it like that, right? We rely on something that isn’t even tangible.

But I’m not here today to talk about the confines of time and the existence of it. Trust me, I’ll probably need a couple of drinks before I head down that path. But what’s on my mind is about time. How time plays tricks on us, making us believe one thing, but in reality doing something completely different.

I recently ran into an ex-girlfriend of mine. One from high school. Nothing too crazy, I mean I feel like it’s a pretty common situation to be part of now that I’m in the age bracket where everyone feels the need to get married (we’ll talk about that in a different post). But this ex-girlfriend (we’ll give her an alias of Julie) is much different than any of my other ex’s. I’ve always known this about Julie, though. She’s always been the one that I compare everyone to, and even on the darkest of days when I “thought” I had nothing but hatred for her, I would find myself hoping she’s doing okay.

Some back story here, so we dated on and off for awhile throughout high school and then gave it our “let’s put our big kid pants on” try of actually being together officially. Well, clearly this story doesn’t have a happy ending, because we broke up. And when I say we broke up, I mean we broke up. I’m talking defriending on Facebook, deleting numbers, blocking numbers, the whole ten yards. Back in this time, I was also fairly dramatic, so I went into this obnoxious emotional phase, one that I didn’t fully understand until years later.

Well fast forward 4 years (yes we didn’t speak or have any interaction for that long) and I found myself moving to the same city she was in. Naturally, after months of debating, I decided to reach out to Julie. We decided to go out to dinner and catch up. I still remember walking up to the restaurant we were eating at, she was standing outside acting like she was doing something on her phone. I remember seeing her for the first time in 4 years and it’s like a day hadn’t passed. Truly was the weirdest moment of my life. We sat down and started to talk just like we did before. I know we all say this about our closest of friends where “we haven’t seen each other in ages and we picked up right where we left off,” but this was different. Because we didn’t just pick up where we left off with our conversations, or the way we acted with one another, or even the jokes. No. We picked up right where we left off with the emotional attachment. Scary.

So we stayed in touch over the next couple of years, hanging out whenever we had the chance. Sometimes we would drink too much and talk about our past. Nothing new for ex’s, right? What changed things, well, not really changed, but brought to light deeper lying issues, was not only seeing her again, but seeing her mom. I saw her mom, and we talked for awhile. She looked at Julie and I when we would be talking with this gaze. She would have this almost glow. But that wasn’t the moment. It wasn’t the moment that made me realize what this post is about. It’s when Julie and I were just talking about some nonsense and she said, “you don’t have to say anything because I can tell what you’re thinking by just looking at your face. We’ve always done that to each other.” So I looked at her, I really looked at her. I saw it in her eyes– she was right.

It’s always small moments in life that make us have these massive, almost life altering “ah-ha!” thoughts. Looking at Julie, I knew in that moment that I will never, ever, not love that girl. But that isn’t to say I won’t be able to love someone else, or as much either. I truly believe that everyone has a person in their life whether it’s a friend, an ex, the one that got away, whomever that we will always be drawn to and always have some kind of feelings for. In our case, we’re just fortunate that we are the same for one another.

This brings up the topic on display of time. No matter how much time has passed, here we are. Here I am seven years later writing about her. We have this notion that time heals all, but sometimes time doesn’t need to heal. Sometimes whatever is will always be. Over the years, Julie and I have changed dramatically, yet we’re still staring into each others eyes, still knowing the exact route to the others heart. You know that feeling? That feeling that the human next to you is practically a part of you? Time can’t change that. We always think that time can help us forget, help us get over things. But that’s the trick. We don’t forget or get over it, we just decide to not let it be at the forefront of our minds. Time didn’t make me forget this human. Time didn’t help me get over the warmness in my body when she’s around. What time did, however, is allow me to gain experiences and go through life that I can now appreciate these moments.

Tl;dr, don’t let time be your crutch. The things you feel are real, the love you feel is real. Time doesn’t change that. Time doesn’t take away love, we do.

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